Anxieties

My anxiety took over for a few weeks this spring. I had too much to do. Some things couldn’t be done in advance, and many things depended on other people. None of that feels great for me. I like to get things done ahead of time, and I like to work alone. It might be silly to spend one of my newsletters detailing my anxieties, but I’m hoping it’s helpful to see how little things add up, and if anyone is dealing with similar problems, I’m right there with you.

First one on the list: vacuuming. When work is too much, I can’t keep up with it. Almost everything else is okay, but the vacuuming seems impossible to fit in. I think it’s because it’s not just the vacuuming. I know that I’ll get so sweaty that I’ll need a shower. The vacuum will undoubtedly be full, and I’ll have to empty it so I don’t crush future-me just as I begin the same vacuuming journey. As I go, I will see things that need to be vacuumed with a different attachment that I’ll have to go get, and this will involve multiple runs up and down the stairs with varying levels of difficulty. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s enough to keep putting it off, and then the little flecks of dirt and lint in the carpeting bother me more and more as the days pass.

My dog seems overwhelming when I’m overwhelmed. I know most people find their dog soothing as things whirl around them, but he stresses me out. He likes to be in contact with me 90% of the time. I can’t lie in bed or sit on the couch without him touching some part of my body. It’s amazing when I’m sick, when I know I can’t pass him whatever virus I’m battling, and when I can’t do anything even if I want to. But if I have a lot on my plate, he feels like a liquid that’s poured on to fill up every remaining nook and cranny.