You can tell by the title that I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about (again)—Fall is more than a little vague. I’m having trouble thinking about the month ahead right now. Maybe it’s a good sign, to be so grounded in what’s happening right now, but I think a balance is better. I don’t want my whole life to be remembering to go to the grocery store, the pharmacy, the vet, the doctor. Every week has a new list of small errands, and a dozen more things to keep track of for work and my son’s schedule and the dog and the house. It’s nice to have a few future things to hold onto.
Right now our exciting future thing is in August—going to my sister’s wedding! But it’s too far. So I just booked a two-night stay in the French Riviera for December. And a one-night stay at a dog-friendly hotel near some famous hiking trails for March. I also need to make a plan for an aquarium for me and my son to visit on Valentine’s Day, as is our tradition. I think one special thing per month and we’ll make it through.
We’ve been having a lot of far-future talks recently—where could we live that’s cheaper (in 5-10 years)? How much money do we need to retire? Are we retiring when we’re 70?! Maybe! The mortgage will still be going if we’re still here. Oof. It’s painful to think of the future in that way. Though if I’m able to grasp the idea that life finds a way, that things work out, that things won’t be just as they are, they will keep changing, and I just need to let go and let God—well then, I experience a kind of release. I can’t know the future and it will come as it comes.
As I’ve been flying between the far future and the nitty gritty of everyday life, as I’ve been trying to refocus my attention to the near future, planning these small trips, small moments to look forward to, I’ve been trying to think more about what I want, and how I can create change for myself and my future.